My son was born on August 7th, 2010. As cliche as it sounds, it was by far the most amazing day of my life. I was head over heels in love with this tiny little baby the very second I laid eyes on him. When you're pregnant for the very first time, you can only imagine what it will feel like to become a Mom. Then, when it happens, it's so much more than you ever dreamed it could be.
As much as I love Logan, the road to getting him here was the worst 40 weeks of my life. I had a nightmare pregnancy.
I spent almost every single day of my pregnancy throwing up. Yes, morning sickness is a typical pregnancy symptom....but not like this. The notion that morning sickness would end (or at least subside somewhat) after the first trimester was a joke. On average, I was sick 15-20 times a day. Sometimes less, sometimes more. Medications never helped at all. Old Wives Tales Remedies were laughable. There was absolutely no relief.
I suffered from a placental abruption around week 16 of my pregnancy, threatening the life of my unborn son. I was forced to quit my job earlier than I expected, and was put on bedrest immediately. I spent the next 14 weeks, unable to do anything more than take a quick shower each day. Around week 30 I was allowed to start doing a little more each week, but I was getting so big and uncomfortable, alot of activity wasn't even possible.
I went into labor naturally, but wound up being in labor for 45 hours. 2 minute apart contractions, back labor, you name it......without any progress. After 2 days of constant labor and no sleep, my body gave out. I reluctantly signed the consent for a C-Section.
As if my experience hadn't been bad enough up to this point, my surgery wasn't easy either. My son was lodged under my ribs, so the surgery itself was pretty rough. This made my recovery that much more difficult.
It's safe to say that I was indeed traumatized by my pregnancy, labor and delievery experiences. The only thing that made it worth it, was seeing my gorgeous baby held up over the divider. Hearing him cry made me cry. The very first thing I said to my son was, "Hi Logan, it's Mommy. I am so happy that you're here..." Truer words were never spoken. I was so incredibly relieved to have it over and done with. As I said, recovery wasn't easy, but I knew that it would get a little easier each day, and it did.
Now, 13 months after the birth of our son, people are always asking, "So, are you guys ready to do it again?" I never really know how to answer this question. Yes, we want another child. I can't wait to feel that instant love for my 2nd child. I can't wait for the first time I can kiss their little head or to count 10 fingers and 10 tiny little toes. Those moments DO make all the pain and suffering worth it.
But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't completely terrified.
What IF I have another nightmare pregnancy? What IF I am that sick again? What if? Can I handle all of that again? Can I go through all of that AND take care of a toddler at the same time?
Yes. I can do it and I will, provided God decides to bless us with another baby someday. All I can do is hope and pray that I don't experience the misery that I did the first time around. But if by some chance it IS that difficult again...I can guarantee you this: There will NOT be a third. Unless of course, science makes it possible for my husband to carry baby #3. :)
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