Before Mike and I got married, one of the preachers that was participating in our ceremony, required that we do pre-marital counseling. Mike and I had been together for 8+ years and lived together for over 6, so the idea seemed a bit ridiculous. Knowing that Mike isn't one to 'share his feelings', I knew that by making him go, I'd just hear about it on the ride home...about how stupid it is that we have to do this, blahblahblah. But, nevertheless, we went. We completed the course, and to this day, I think it was beneficial. Mike probably didn't get as much out of it as I did, but who knows....maybe he did and is just too embarrassed to admit it. ;)
Part of the sessions were based off of the book "The 5 Love Languages". It had some wonderful theories on how to relate to each other better, how to treat each other, etc....but honestly? Once the courses were over, I just kind of forgot all about it.
Until recently.
Our marriage hit a rough spot. With Mike's job taking him out of town so often, and me staying behind to raise our son, things got tense. Arguments spiked, frustration with each other was at an all time high. Neither of us was ready to throw in the towel, but things at home were just not pretty. At all. So, knowing that this was bad news for our marriage, as well as our son, I decided to re-investigate the 5 Love Languages.
What I (re)learned the second time around:
I bought the book and read it cover-to-cover (twice). I took the assessment once again and discovered my 2 primary Love Languages. Mine are 'Words of Affirmation' and 'Physical Touch'. Meaning: I need Mike to verbally affirm his love and commitment to me, and I need the physical touch (sexual and non-sexual) of my husband to keep my 'love tank' full instead of empty. Months went by, and since it's hard to get Mike to do things that he considers 'emotional', I was trying to guess what his love languages are. I couldn't remember from our premarital counseling, but I figured I knew him well enough to make an educated guess. WRONG. I couldn't figure it out. So, after asking him to take the assessment just one more time. He finally agreed. I was shocked to realize that his love languages are the exact same as mine: 'Words of Affirmation' and 'Physical Touch' (honestly, the Physical Touch one didn't shock me all that much....he is a man after all...haha.).
Then I started re-reading the chapters dedicated to these love languages. All of a sudden, a light bulb went off. Two things that our marriage is severely lacking right now are exactly what we both need. He's gone so often, we aren't able to give each other the physical comfort that we need, and with the stress of family, our son, and his job...we both have found ourselves complaining FAR more than anything else. It made me realize how much time I waste being pissed off at our circumstances.
Yes, I have every right to be annoyed with our current situation, but does that give me the right to make him feel guilty about it? Absolutely not. I have promised myself that I will make more of an effort to thank him, encourage him, and support him with every decision he makes. He is, after all, a wonderful husband who loves me exactly how I am. He works hard to provide for me and our child. He is faithful and dependable. All of these qualities are things that some people would KILL for in their spouse, and here I am, not giving him the Words of Affirmation that he needs to keep him feeling satisfied.
Well, not anymore. I suggest that if anyone is having a rough patch in their marriage, that you purchase this book. It will give you more insight on your partner, and how to be a better mate.
PS: Love you, Combs. <3
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