...and start being laziness?
Well, I've decided that I'm just flat-out lazy. Logan is 13 months old, and I'm still carrying around an extra 20lbs. So in an attempt to shed this weight that makes me feel disgusting, I joined Weight Watchers. I've known several people who've had success with it, so here's hoping!
I've struggled with my weight my entire adult life. It's just not in my genetic makeup to be thin. Granted, giving in to indulgences in the last year hasn't helped. Either way, my weight is a huge burden that lays on my shoulders every single day of my life. On my wedding day, I weighed 129lbs....the lowest weight of my adult life. What few people knew, was what it took to get there. I exercised for 2-3 hours a day and usually ate under 800 calories a day for 6 months, leading up to my wedding. That is NOT a sustainable diet. I was always hungry and tired. I wouldn't be able to keep that up, even if I tried. As soon as my honeymoon was over, I'd gained 7lbs. Then a month after our wedding, I got pregnant. And now, here I am. :/
I get the judgmental looks from friends and family. Word gets around, and people have told me that 'friends' talk about my weight behind my back. I've been made fun of for my weight, been called 'fat' to my face. I've been judged for my weight, you name it. I just wish people understood that, while some people are naturally thin, others are not. I have to fight every second of my day to lose weight, or to maintain any sort of weight loss. It's frustrating, and being called out for it numerous times has eroded my self-esteem. I wish people understood that their words are damaging.....
Ok, enough of the pity party. I'm making steps to becoming a healthier Beth. I'm hopeful that I'll find the healthiest weight possible for my body and I'm giving it all I've got. My attempts are not for vanity. They aren't to impress anyone, or even to get compiments. It's to become a healthier version of me....so I can live a longer life with the men that I love so dearly.
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